Aug 13th - Lie

Pangs for the woman continue unabated, I take my lunch outside and go read a bit more of Alice in Wonderland up on a nearby university campus. The sun bakes my hide, bleaching my exposed tattoos, but doing nothing for the pangs. I have a coffee cup from work, a pack of cigarettes, a zippo, my keycard and the book.

The sun beats down so fiercely that I need my sunglasses, but I turn on my stomach every so often. The pangs hold me down and beat as hard as the sun on my internal flesh. It tires me, it drains me, its practically pushing me into the ground.

On this day, I stay in this spot, until my coffee is finished. I stay until my cigarettes are finished. I stay until the sun goes down and comes up again. The grass is slowly dying beneath me. Quizzical students are wondering if I've just been sitting there for 3 days, I don't correct them, because I have. On the third day, my mouth is dry cardboard, my heart is barely throbbing. The pangs have almost no purchase on me, as I am almost nothing left to purchase on.

On the fourth day, no food no water except for coffee 3 days prior. I'm dehydrated and on the verge of death. A groundskeeper will realize my state, and try to give me water. I will spit it out. I die slowly, but at the least, as my last consciousness fades, I feel the pangs fade to, and I am happy for a fleeting moment before the light fades, inside and out.